There’s only one way to salvage my vision of the future of tv/movie nirvana, and it can be accomplished by the time I save up enough money for a kickass treadmill. There must be a great summit meeting between Viacom, Warners, Fox, Disney and all the other big and small players who own the rights to my television and movie memories. We’ll get Congress to approve, with guidelines, the monopoly this meeting will create. You must immediately purchase and merge Netflix Streaming and Amazon Streaming Video. You can call it Netazon. Then you must get to work, uploading every single thing in your vaults to Netazon. If restoration work is needed, make it happen. These are American treasures we’re talking about. The Beverly Hillbillies. All nine seasons. Mighty Mouse cartoons. Every single one. Every movie ever made, even the ones with Pauly Shore. Every episode of Match Game. Hell, every uncut episode of The Tonight Show With Johnny Carson. In short, everything. And don’t give us that crap about this enterprise hurting your cable revenues, because cable is dead already, it’s just still twitching on the operating table. Instead, you owners of cable and satellite concerns can devote your full attention to making sure that the greatest country in the world stops ranking number 26 in internet speed globally. The networks not made redundant by this everything service can be folded into this new service easily. And the best part for the Netazon shareholders. Virtually every American household is going to want access to this nifty service. So, take a hundred million households and multiply that by a reasonable monthly non-ad supported rate, say $100, and we’re talking mondo mega-profits From Here To Eternity. All the media corporations will remain separate entities, but will share in the profits of Netazon, based on what percentage of content they have on the cloud. They will also reinvest a proportional amount based on their take of the profits. The profits will be so mammoth, even tiny stakes holders will be rich beyond their wildest dreams. To prevent power ploys, Congress can set restrictions on promoting any political or philosophical agendas. Since Netazon will be ad-free, advertisers will have to shop their wares in magazines and newspapers, saving the print medium forever. Millions of new jobs will be created, and Netazon can donate 1% of it’s profits to keeping the social safety net solvent forever (so subscribers will live longer).
So to recap:
Every tv show and movie ever produced available in an instant, uncut and ad-free, for one reasonable monthly rate.
No more manufacturing or distribution costs.
Fastest internet speed in the world.
Millions of new jobs created to improve internet, digitize content, and maintain cloud.
No more competition or costly litigation surrounding rights issues.
No more piracy concerns.
Social safety net secured, lifespans increased.
Ten billion dollars a month from subscriber fees=Insane Profits
A reduction of crime, as America’s criminals will be too busy watching their long lost favorite shows.
No more obnoxious commercials interrupting one’s favorite programs.
Only truly unique and valuable networks will remain, to provide news or aggregate genres.
No more obsessive fanboys (like me) whining about the unavailibility of some obscure “brilliant but cancelled” tv treasure from 1971.By Easily Mused: Netazon Now! A Modest Proposal…